I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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