oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize