you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
