mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
