I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
