fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
