Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
