Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
