I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Enjoy the penises
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