Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize