Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
