Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
