New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
