You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How does one acquire holy water?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize