does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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