I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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