My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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