I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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