youre lurking in front of me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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