i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize