I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
