Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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