Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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