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Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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