I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
