Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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