Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
What drink are we having for lunch?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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