i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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