its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
