I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
