The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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