That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize