I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
high people should be assigned attendants
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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