Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
