Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
