That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
