my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
