No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize