rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
