all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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