I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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