I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
