Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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