my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
