Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
