The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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