Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I need water and some morals
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
