My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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