coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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