You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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