All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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