I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Randomize
