you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
