Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize