Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
