The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
