did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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