remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
