Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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