do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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