She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
