I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
