note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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