Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
