i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
