are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
