he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
