Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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