I hate your face
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
