My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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