The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
