Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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