oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize